Robin's Email
by Jack Vertigo
Summary: Robin sent you an email.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, it's me! Your favorite thirteen-year-old-dressed -like-a-bird, Robin!

Okay, let's see. What did I do today?

I wrote 'Superman's a douche bag" on the bathroom wall. Check.

Kicked the crap out of the Riddler. Check.

Sent photos of Superboy without his shirt on to girls over the internet in exchange for sexy photos of them. Check. (Hurray for fangirls!)

Sent Aqualad that Gay Fish Song. Checkeroo.

Got punched by Artemis because I said "Artemis likes Wally." Check. (Jesus, I thought Batman was kranky. Someone please get her a tampon.)

Hacked the West Star City High School and changed all of Wally's grades to A's in exchanged for a candy bar. Little troll face, check.

Hacked the Batcomputer to find images of Jason Todd with "I miss you written on it." Creepy check.

Oh, wait, I missed one. I was supposed to send an email about my grwing concern for Batman's state of mind. Hmmm... Let's see.

* * *

><p>And that's how I came to be writing this letter.<p>

It's about Batman's Mental Health. I don't think the guy's had his bat's in the right place since you know, the childhood trauma that usually turns people into, oh, I dunno, deranged cereal killers.

But lately he's been acting especially weird. I figured at first it was because he hadn't gotten to kick the living lipstick and clown suace out of the Joker, but now I'm not so sure.

Check this.

One day me and Bats were training and I fell on my underweared ass.

Batman said, "We're going to do this again until we get it right. But first, tell me what you did wrong."

I said, "I wasn't focusing. I lost concentration and then fell. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"No. You went down like a bitch is what you did wrong."

Dude, let me tell you, Batman going insane would not be a pretty picture. (There's a sane and **in**sane, but is there an **out**sane?)

I mean as it is, Joker, Two-Face, Riddler- Batman is the craziest of all of them! I mean a guy was traumatized as a child, and now dresses like a bat and beats people up because they remind him of his parents.

I don't care how rich Bruce is, that doesn't slide as being eccentric.


	2. Chapter 2

**continued from last point.**

Batman is so on the edge of losing it completely. But let me tell you: Be afraid of crazy(er) Batman! You'll know when he snaps completely when he starts killing. One day, Superman's gong to say something that only that big blue douche-bag can say, and then Batman's going to say "That's it!"

And he's going to find a criminal in a dark alley, and that criminal will be maybe on the FBI's most wanted list, but after Batman's done with him, they'll say, "What did that sick, sick man do to you, you poor victim."

And that's it. Batman gets a taste of blood and then there won't be any going back.

Criminals beware! When Batman loses his mind and starts killing, it won't be a pleasant way to die. First of all, do you remember that one Robin, Jason Todd that went evil and started killing everyone? Well, he'd make that kid look like an alter boy. And then when Batman kills the Joker, Jason would be like, "I knew you loved me Daddy!"

Remember that scene in the Dark Knight where Batman was driving toward the Joker, and the Joker was all, "Hit me! I want you to! Hit me!"

Well now the Joker will go,"Hit me!"

And Batman will be like, "Okay!" THUMPTHUMP! "Well that was easy!"

The Joker's in a full body cast for six months.

He still won't use guns, though. No, he's too crazy to use guns.

But he'll use missiles.

He'll blow up the hospital with the Joker and all the other criminals he's put into full body casts. He'll be like, "I put out in the hospital, now I'm checking you out."

Superman better look out. I mean it, he'll be like flying around like a Polar Bear, "I'm endangered, gimme your cola."

And then Batman will use Kryptonite brass knuckles and be like, "I've been waiting for this for too long!"

And then he'll be forever hated by the Save Endangered Species group as the man that killed the last Kryptonian. (Lex Luthor will hand his head, "I really wanted to do that.")

And he'll kill Superman in a terrible way too. He'll be like pounding his face into ground beef and Superman will say, "is that all you've got? You can't kill me that easily, you un-american psycho!"

Batman gives Superman a flat look. "Lois is pregnant."

Superman - "Nooooooooooooo! Batman just kill me now!"

Batman - "Kill me what?"

Superman - "Kill me, **please**?"

Batman - "Damn straight."

Then the world will mourn Superman.

Then I'll be like, Uhh, Batman, wouldn't it have been easier to use a kryptonite bullet?

Batman - "Batman doesn't kill!"

* * *

><p>Anyways, before he uses me as child bait for Killer Croc, could you please, y'know, call child services or something?<p>

Leave a comment at least. Comments make Batman less batty.

Hehehe.

Batty.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, it's me, a pedophiles favorite kid in tights! Robin!

So I had just got back from my patrol on Crime Alley, and it was boring as nun pornography!

I mean, nothing happened! Sort of like when Justin Bieber hit puberty!

So I cum(haha. Get it?) So I come back to the cave and I'm still bored out of my underwear, so I decide to send Superboy an email. Well, I figured I'd talk ramble on, but he wouldn't even read it. What's the point of my famous Robin charm if it can't get me an audience? So I decide to send Aqualad one. Well, he'd read all of it then do this super mature, "That's very funny. Good job." thing and I would be like, "That's your reaction, Fish Boy? That's a pretty dry response from someone who needs a glass of water every five minutes." I mean, what's the point of sending him an email if I don't get a reaction?

So how about Artemis? Er, never mind.

How about Megan? Oh, god, what would that be like? "O I get it! Because I pulled your finger you farted! That's funny!" I swear, she'll never have to worry about mind control, but she will have to worry about ferrets building a nest in her head.

Okay, now that leaves Kid Flash. Ehhh, he'd just turn into a lame Wally joke.

So, that left you, so I figured I'd send you an email and just ramble about any old thing that flies into my head. Haha.! Get it? Flies? I'm Robin? A bird? Get it?

So now a couple minutes ago I got bored of trolling on eHarmony(I like to hack into accounts and hook people up with there cousins. Troll face.) So then I started looking up jokes, and I've got some funny ones.

So listen here, cyber bitches! Robin is on the stand up mic!

Okay, okay, check it check it check it check it.

SO Batman(Yes it's going to be a Batman joke, wise-ass, and yes I am obsessed and you would be too if you had a gint manbat living under your house.)

Anyways, no shut up! Anyways, Batman and Superman are sitting down for coffee. Batman comes back from the bathroom.

Superman says, "Hey, Batman, did you see that I wrote, "Batman's wussy!" in the Bathroom?"

And Batman says, "Yes, I did. I crossed it out and put "Superman's Clark Kent"."

Superman didn't hang out with Batman again for a while after that.

Anyways, I'm gonna hack the Bat-computer now and put up a sexy photo of Batgirl as the wallpaper.

So nayways, take care and please leave a comment. Comments make Batman less edgy. And god knows he needs that.

Holy-chocolate-goodbye, Batman!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey it's me Robin! But who am I, you ask. Since Batman changes Robins like he changes his socks, once every few years?

That's right, so far there has been four Robins. That's right, four! In my next email, I'll give you the story on each of the Robins, but for now I'll just tell you which I am.

Click the link to find out.

But since doesn't allow links to be posted, just delete the spaces. Come on, you know you want to see my troll face!

http:/www. y o u t u b e .com/ watch?v=B1Me1MLIjpQ

So anyways, watch that video.

Anyways, this is just a quick email wrote in between chasing the Black Mask across rooftops and the part where we catch him and kick his masked ass.

So yeah, I just wanted to say, that Superman is douche bag! I mean, the freakin' Batman had to meet up with him to tell him he's being a jerk to his son, Superboy. And if the goddamn Batman has to tell you you're being a jerk, that's saying something.

So if you want to see what I saw when I hacked the Batcomputer security cameras at Wayne Enterprises Metropolis Branch, then click the link.

You know the deal, delete the spaces.

http:/www. y o u t u b e .com /watch?v=nNYAzO8bwpw

* * *

><p>Also if you're a teenager or almost a teenager, watch this, it'll put things into perspective for you.<p>

http:/www. y o u t u b e .com /watch?v=FC3y9llDXuM&ob=av2e

* * *

><p>If you haven't figured out what to do yet, you and Megan should meet.<p>

So, anyways, yeah, next email I'll tell you the story of all of us Robins.

Until then, go listen to Iron Maiden. Haha. You'll only get it if you watched that last link.

And if you leave a comment, I'll give you a sexy photo of Batgirl.

Hasta la vista, baby.


End file.
